Valentine’s Day 2.14 — For the Clueless Guys Out There

“Don’t tell your friends and family what I did for you on Valentine’s Day — you’ll ruin my image,” I pleaded with my wife of 25+ years after Valentine’s Day 2007.

Well, she went out and bragged to all her friends anyway, so I might as well spill my guts here for all you dudes that have no clue what to do for that someone special in your life.

First off, you have to truly love your wife / girlfriend to make this work.

Forget about all the bullshit you see advertised on the Internet, TV and the radio — for you guys that are sex-starved, all the flowers, jewelry and candy in the world is not going to help you get lucky.

There is a jewelry commercial airing on TV that promises you “give and you shall receive” almost like your wife is some sort of prostitute, in that if you give her a gift of diamonds, she will put out to you. I certainly don’t want to be a pimp, and for sure don’t want a wife that puts out for some shiny rocks. What if some dude shows up with shinier rocks — does that mean she will put out for him also?

This is what I did to make her melt like butter and brag about you to all her friends and family:

The prep:

– Buy a bottle of champagne — don’t buy the real cheap crap – but you don’t have to spend a fortune — you can get a decent bottle for about fifteen to twenty dollars.

*****– Make chocolate covered strawberries — this is important, make them yourself — it’s not that hard – here’s how:

Buy a dozen strawberries.

Buy some semi-sweet chocolate morsels — in the baking aisle.

Wax paper

That’s all you need.

Important: Wash strawberries and drain on paper towels. It’s imperative that the strawberries be absolutely dry when dipping in chocolate. Just a drop of water will ruin the bunch.

Forget all the hookey about saucepans and double boilers — this works just as well for what you are doing — you don’t want them professional looking, you want her to know that you made them yourself.

Dump an overflowing handful of chocolate into a microwavable bowl – cook on high for one minute at a time, stirring between minutes until the chocolate is creamy smooth.

Dunk and dip strawberries and place on wax paper — put in fridge and let cool — that’s it!*****

Next prep:

Pick out a romantic spot that you can take her to later that evening — be it the beach, mountains, or anything with a secluded evening view.

Go to that spot beforehand and scrape in the snow or sand something like “I Love you XXXXXXX” – make sure it is personal.

Tell her to be ready to go out with you at five PM and to dress casual.

Pack your cooler with the champagne, strawberries and champagne glasses and pre-load into car.

At the appointed hour, drive to your spot, watch the sunset (or whatever), break out the goodies and then later go for a walk and “find” your secret message.

Guys, it’s not that complicated — she will love this!

Don’t ruin your tough-guy image – tell her not to tell anyone.

Pass this along — who did you help today?